Pitch L- Razor Blade Kisses

Razor Blade Kisses
YA Bildungsroman
63,300

Query:

When life seemed too painful to endure, Rachel Montgomery knew her razor blades’ would save her from her inner demons. The sweet deadly kisses of eighteen-year-old Rachel’s razor blades never failed to save her from her pain. But she’s not about to let the world know she’s anything but a normal American girl.

For the past two years her life has been in a tailspin. Her parents hate each other, driving her mother to be distant and her father to be an abusive drunk. Rachel has started a deadly addiction, one she can’t escape from. To ease her pain, she carves herself with razor blades. She craves the love the blade gives her and the sweet escape she gets when her pain drips away in scarlet drops. When her best friend, Violet Cox, is murdered, she’s thrown into a deep depression. Razor blades whisper to her, saying cut deeper and let your soul free.

Rachel’s depression, and being accused of murdering Violet by mean girl classmates, causes her to flee school. The voices in her head tell her to go anywhere, anywhere but home. That’s when she runs into Derek. She met him once at a party and thought he was someone she could trust. Without anyone to talk sense into her, Rachel runs away with him. He promises her a new life, promises to take away her agony. Only Rachel never imaged this new world would be darker than the one she was trying to leave behind.

I am currently seeking representation for RAZOR BLADE KISSES. At 63,000 words it is a complete young adult Bildungsroman novel. RAZOR BLADE KISSES is a book about a girl trying to deal with personal demons while not falling victim to the underbelly of darkness that her self-mutilation and depression are leading her. Readers of Ellen Hopkins, Patricia McCormick, and Jay Asher will form a natural market for this novel.

First 150 Words:

Sunlight poured into my small bedroom, making me have to shield my eyes from the painful rays. As I sluggishly walked over to the window to shut out the light, I silently cursed at myself for not remembering to close my curtains before I went to bed.  Before I killed the blithe, cheery sun rays I took in the dawn.

The sun was appearing out of a red horizon, like a fresh bleeding wound. There was hardly a cloud in the indigo sky. It was a perfect start to a day, some would say, but I preferred darkness any day. I glanced at the octagon clock on my wall and realized I was going to be late for work.

Five hours later I was home once again. I simply loved how four days a week, five hours of my life were stolen from me thanks to the department store, Bullseye.

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7 thoughts about "Pitch L- Razor Blade Kisses"

  • This could be an amazing book, but because the query focuses so much on the cutting and self destruction, it just feels like something way to heavy for me to want to pick up. Even the most devastating stories have moments of lightness and hope. Try and find a way to work in some levity so it doesn’t feel so grim.

  • Himedal says:

    hey there. to me, this story is worth publishing. I don’t know how but you definitely need to find an agent. People yearn for such a book. Don’t give up my friend. horizon is shining for you.

  • Pat Esden says:

    I think you have the bones of a good query and great story. But I think this query would be more powerful if you tighten it. I love the first sentence and suggest you keep that. But I suggest you cut the rest of the first paragraph and go right to the second paragraph. I also suggest you cut ‘mean girl’–trust that your reader already gets that.

    I also suggest you cut everything which comes after the title in the last paragraph. This is just repeating what you have already shown earlier in the query.

    Trust that your razor blades whispering and scarlet drops say all that is needed to make this query sing.

  • Jen says:

    This query definitely caught my attention. It sounds very dark, and while it’s not necessarily something I would personally pick up, it has tremendous potential. Your imagery is fantastic.

    Good luck!

  • Indigo says:

    Where words are at a premium, the first 2 sentences of your query say pretty much the same thing. In the second para, you show nice characterization, but that should be in the first para. Save the second paragraph for the conflict. You also repeat the razor blade thing for a third time. Then you jump from Violet’s issues into her friend’s murder. There’s no bond shown earlier to make us care about her friend and what that means to Violet. Instead of fixating on the act of cutting, be very precise on exactly how she feels relief from the act.

    This query suffers from not focusing in on the very heart of the story. I think it’s too long. It kind of drifts around and is a bit confusing. In the housekeeping, don’t tell what the rest of your query should show. Tighten everything up and focus only on the very heart of the conflict. 1st para: Character. 2nd para: Conflict. 3rd para: Choice

    In your 1st 150 words, you focus too much on setting and description. There needs to be instant tension based on real conflict. By your subject matter, I’m positive it’s all there. You’ve most likely just started in the wrong place.

  • Writerlicious says:

    I commend your strength and willingness to give voice to these type of horrors teens subject themselves to all the time. I think this story needs to be told. I don’t think you should ever shy away from a subject just because it makes someone uncomfortable. One way to circumvent the “market” would be to introduce a secondary character that brings a fun factor to your story so agents/publishers don’t find it too depressing.

    Looks like Indigo gave you some wonderful advice on how to tighten it up and I agree with her:-)

  • Juliana says:

    Hey hun! Your query has improved so much, seriously. I love how you’ve delved into the story more and show what happens beyond the cutting.

    I think you could consider putting one sentence at the end that sheds light on the journey Rachel takes. I’m hoping there’s light at the end of the tunnel for your MC- if you hint at that, it might solve the ‘heavy matter’ issue you’re running into.

    Example: “Only Rachel never imaged this new world would be darker than the one she was trying to leave behind. She must discover how to escape the darkness on her own…”

    Please don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything else and be sure to check out the birthday post today!

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