Pitch N- Radio Hearts

Radio Hearts
YA Contemporary
63,000

Query:

Junie’s late father once said to never let go of the boy who reminds her of her favorite song. Easier said than done when that boy happens to be the key to saving her late father’s restaurant, if only she betray him. And, in turn, her own heart.

There are only two things more important to seventeen-year-old Junie Conway than the family restaurant: classic rock and good food. She can’t be bothered with her best friend’s obsessive gossip about the international pop enigma, Roman Montgomery, who has been on the run since his bandmate’s mysteriously death last summer.

When, on vacation, Junie is roped into buying personal effects (i.e. condoms), she meets a tattooed stranger who is both infuriating and enchanting. With eyes as green as basil, and a smile so Cheshire she second-guesses everything she thought she wanted in love, he compels her to shuck her safe cocoon of well-worn recipes for a whirlwind night at the shanty beach venue, the Isla Lona.

There, she uncovers a terrible secret that has more to do with her than she realizes, and the lies that both she, and her loved ones, have built begin to crumble faster than Bruce Springsteen’s first marriage. In the end she has a choice, protect the tattooed stranger who lied to her, or save what is left of her beloved father?

First 150 Words:

The vacation condo looks different this year. New wallpaper, new furniture, new oven and stovetop―there’s even a new coffee maker. Maybe this year I won’t be eating coffee grounds for breakfast. Despite popular belief, coffee grounds are about as filling and nutritious as dirt, and tastes about the same. Not that I’ve eaten dirt since I was a baby shoveling beach sand into my mouth with the gusto of a National Hotdog Eating Champion, but I imagine that coffee grounds have the same consistency. The only thing that the renovation hasn’t touched is the bird-shit yellow bathroom Dad hated.

“I feel like I should be following the Yellow Brick Road every time I lay a brick in there,” he used to complain. Of all the things to keep, it was that god-awful yellow? I feel angry in spite of myself for remembering.

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6 thoughts about "Pitch N- Radio Hearts"

  • Marlowe says:

    This has my vote.

  • Indigo says:

    You should start your query right off with characterization and end in a hook. You focus on Janie’s father in the first sentence, but don’t say anything about Janie. Then you launch into a sentence that doesn’t make sense. The second para is where you should start. That said, there are several grammar errors throughout the query which is a big red flag. And the big choice in the end seems way off balance. To make this easier to swallow, you need to be less vague about the secret without giving anything away. Tricky, I know, but why would a girl choose a stranger over her father’s legacy? You need to make that more palatable.

  • Writerlicious says:

    Indigo summed my thoughts nicely! To add to that, your query didn’t feel very teen to me. Voice is a subjective thing, so that’s just IMHO. But you have a lot of people listing in your query right now. Avoid that, it’s confusing. You have: 1) Janie 2) Janie’s father 3) boy 4) bff 5) Roman Montgomery *is that the ‘boy’?* 6) bandmate 7) tattooed stranger *or is that the ‘boy’?*
    Also, you list minor details like the name of the beach venue. This should be a very short summary of your book of only the most important events/characters.

  • Juliana says:

    You’ve got some wonderful comments so far. You have such a wonderful premise for your book, that you need to be as concise as possible to get your message across in such a short space.

    As an example: Your first paragraph here can be shortened down to : “Junie must betray the boy she loves to save her late father’s restaurant.” Short, simple and your hook is easy to understand.

    Please don’t hesitate to ask if you need any help combing through your query more! And be sure to stop by the birthday post today 🙂

  • I remember this query and intro from Write on Con. I also like the premise. Good luck on your query, I think you’re almost there.

  • Amelia says:

    Thanks everyone for the stellar comments! I hope to get this query down to a T soon!

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