Pitch O- Gripped

YA Contemporary (Edgy)


When seventeen-year-old Taylor is dumped by her hottie boyfriend at the beginning of senior year, she turns to her best friends to help her through the heartache. Her liquid BFFs.

Taylor’s an alcoholic.

Unable to cope, she shows up at school drunk, nearly throwing up on the vice principal. Alcohol becomes a crutch, allowing her to escape the pressure of grades, college essays, SAT scores and looming AP exams. It also numbs the bitterness, hurt and resentment she feels toward her mother, who demands perfection, and her father, whom she catches banging a blond bimbo.

One frigid December night, drunk and pissed off after an argument with her arch-frenemy, she gets behind the wheel of a car and slams into a tree less than a mile from home. In the brutal aftermath of her accident, she’s forced to face her addiction. The truth is, she doesn’t know how to survive without alcohol. The reality is, she’d rather die than give it up.

First 150 Words:

Senior year just started and it’s already perfect.

Varsity Cheer. Check.

Hottie boyfriend. Check.

Kicking ass in school. Check.

The day couldn’t get much better. I slip on the dark wash Joe’s jeans I bought at the mall yesterday. Finally, a pair of jeans that make my non-existent butt look as good as J Lo’s.

I’m scanning my shoe rack for my leopard print ballet flats when the screen on my phone lights up with an incoming text. Olivia. I dial her number, putting her on speaker.

She picks up immediately. ” What are you doing tonight?” I can hear music blaring in the background.

“I’m trying to finish getting ready. Blake’ll be here any minute.” I’m yelling toward the phone while zipping back and forth across my room, looking for my OPI nail polish to fix my chipped pinky finger.

“I forgot you had a date. I was going to invite you out.”

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7 thoughts about "Pitch O- Gripped"

  • Erin Butler says:

    I like your query. I think it’s concise and shows the premise. I don’t know if you need the “Taylor’s an alcoholic.” line. It seems kind of redundant based on what you say in the previous and following paragraphs. Maybe someone else will chime in about that though because I’m not quite sure…

    The first 150 words reads right to me. Definitely sounds like a teenager, so good job there!

    Good luck!!

  • Pat Esden says:

    I’m glad Erin said something about the ‘Taylor’s an alcoholic’ line. When I read through the query, I loved everything except that line. It intrupted the flow and made me feel I was being told somthing that was already being shown very well. Love ‘her liquid BFFs’.

    “Blond bimbo’ felt a bit cliche, but that’s a minor quibble.

    The 150 is fantastic.

    Good luck.

  • Indigo says:

    Your query is very good. In the 2nd para though, change one of the first 2 sentences so they don’t use the same structure (gerund or participial clauses.) Your 1st 150 are solid, as well. You’ve got my vote!

  • Writerlicious says:

    You have the strong teen voice down for sure! Another minor detail. Use “blond” for males, “blonde” for females (if referring to a mixed-sex group of people, it would be blond).

  • Jammy Dodgers says:

    SO SORRY. I posted that on the wrong one. EEK.

  • Jammy Dodgers says:

    On YOUR query and pages, I like them. I think you clearly lay out the story and I’m very intrigued by it. I agree with everyone about the “Taylor is an alocoholic” line.

    Good luck!

  • Juliana says:

    Hey! I feel like I’m left hanging at the end if your query- I can’t decide if this is perfect (I mean, does this make an agent request pages?) or is it too much of a cliffhanger (and might make the agent roll their eyes). I think you could play with the ending a bit (as I don’t know your story, this is really hard to give advice for!). But it feels as if there’s more to your story that you’re just hinting at- does your book end with her making this big decision? Or what else might happen?

    Please feel free to give me a holler if you want any more help with your pitch! And be sure to stop by today for the birthday giveaway 🙂

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